Deactivate or Not Deactivate?

*219*


 That is the question of the day. I am struggling with possibly unplugging from Facebook for awhile. I spend way too much time on it and there is so much disgusting negativity. Not necessarily from my friends but their friends who like to leave troll like comments and think they are witty. They are not. I have been pretty surprised who many would probably love to meet The Donald and the model in person. That is far as I go with the political today. I feel like I need to protect myself from the negativity. It makes me feel gross and I dont like to feel that way on a daily basis. My dilemma is do I just stay away or actually deactivate. I have turned off notifications on my phone and my iPad for actual Facebook, which is nice. I feel that if I go complete cold turkey, I will fail.

   I left here, went to the grocery store, got a coffee, put everything away with the kid, and I am sitting down with an avocado, a pickle, and a big bowl of carrot tomato ginger red pepper soup puree. So good! I was given it on the day of my upper endoscopy and this is the last of it. So I will try to eat and type.

   The endoscopy was fine. I have the same erosive esophagitis (and duodenitis and gastritis) but it seems to be a little bit more. He did not need to stretch my esophagus open because there were no stricture. I will wait for the biopsy results like a good girl. I will probably have to take another zantac a day and something else while TRYING to stick to the no wheat, no eggs, no life meal plan. Everything is making me burp and feeling like I have to flush food or pills down with water on a regular is not fun. I love food. When I tend to cheat it is not hugely. Little bits here and there during the week. But those little bits are making it hard for me to lose weight. The more I lose, the better for me.

Yesterday I was presented with the opportunity to try little french macaroons.  *I do not have a picture of ours because we all gobbled them up before a good pic could be taken*. The ones I bought were very small, quarter sized. I chose the pistachio one and that was that. It was enough sugar to raise my bs up there. This is something I had always wanted to eat. I had one. I am happy I did. Next. So it is cheating like that. I either have to get over myself and these little food transgressions or....just get over myself.

   Tomorrow is a big day. We are having a Nor`easter. It is going to be an all rain event. But it will rain for two days and there will be wind. I hope our power stays on.  I will (hopefully) be getting my temporary MMJ card in email. I will have to call the dispensary to set up appt to have orientation and buy my first stuffs. I hear they have a nice lotion for rubbing on your aches and pains. I cannot wait for that. And I see the neurosurgeon here in my neck of the woods. I need an MRI of my neck and I want to get back to PT at some point. Crossing fingers that I have good experiences tomorrow.

Mmmm! Soup...

  I have been watching more Netflix lately. I have finished two tv show series so far. I really like Black Mirror and will be looking for new seasons. It gives you the right amount of creepy to make you uncomfortable but not so much that it is cringy. I really am a lover of Sci Fy. I finally finished The Magicians and I am told the new season starts at the end of this month. I always wanted to watch it but it was on late, my tv upstairs doesn't have a dvr, and I would fall asleep in the middle. So I never really knew if I really liked it. I really liked it! I have to see what show I want to watch next. I am trying to get into one of the Netflix Originals but I haven't decided which to dive into. I had really started to shy away from watching any tv series because my attention span sucked ass. It is still not the greatest but good enough to let me have some enjoyment. I guess watching all those YouTube videos helped out a lot.

It feels like Spring for reals. But it is still January. I have at least 2-2 1/2 months till I can really enjoy the kind of weather I crave. I have a literal shit ton of dishes waiting for me. SHIT TON! I have finished my soup, and my pickle. After I finish this, I will eat my avocado and get to working on that pile in there. Hubby is getting a massage right now so he will be no use to me for the rest of the day.

Signing off till next week. Have a good one.

Rainy December Morning

*220*


     It snowed last night. Our first real snow of the season. Barely an inch but it totally counts as our first flakes. Of course it is raining because it is just too warm here on the shore. As long as I don't have to deal with the icy hill, I am good with any precipitation. I have my massive mug of BPC this morning. I have to decide what to do today amongst my Monday shit. I always have therapy in the a.m. That will be a hour from now. I have to wash the bed linens and there is a shit ton of dishes as per usual. I have to prep foods for the fridge. I make hard boiled eggs, cucumber salad, and cut up cheddar blocks for snacking. Okay..Just as I typed that, I went in the kitchen, started the eggs, and cut up the cheese. I will do the salad later. Those are like staples in our fridge.

   I wrapped all the gifts I have bought so far. It is going to be a intentionally lean Christmas. We are all adults and just cause they are our children doesn't mean they are supposed to get a shit ton of gifts like they are five. I am done. Done on so many levels. Four adults in the house need to ALL contribute in every facet of the household. So, Christmas will be very merry but it wont be abundant on purpose. We have a big ole ham in the deep freezer that I will thoroughly enjoy with lots of veggie sides. I will make a pie (s?) that will not be ketogenic. I think one will be apple and another sweet potato. That last one went fast!  I have three more gifts to buy. Hubs has to buy two more for them and he has to shop for me. I just remembered.......I had to water the tree. I checked it every couple of days and it had to be topped off this morning. Yeah, that is how my Mondays are.

  I see MY gastro this afternoon. We get to discuss my colitis. I do not want to take medication for it. I bet it will be a lifetime of fish and salad for me. I have to share. I have never eaten salmon before. I think the fact that you eat it partially raw always made me take a step back from it. But I know I have to overcome it. I have heard really good things about canned salmon. I think I will try that first before I try to cook it. Most recipes online are too carby. Most are for making fish cakes. I did find THIS RECIPE for Low carb salmon patties. I will have to spend an hour on Pinterest to find stuff. If I do, I will add it to my Keto-a-go-go pin page.  We shall see how that goes.

Okay....I just realized that I am still in my jammies and have to be to the therapist in half hour. I will post this, come back, and add more.

  I am back. It is 2pm. Kid #2 is sickkkkkkkk. She called out of work today and I have this soup cooking in the crockpot. I used real and less potatoes, added white beans too, and a smidge of ginger. I will not add the flour at the end.  I have all her work clothes going in the washer and I am taking a break. I saved two sausages for myself for my lunch. Yum! I will make a big tossed salad to make it a good dinner.

   My therapy session was eye opening and I cried a bunch. I learned about my bipolarness and how I perceive things. I was looking at a situation only on my side of the fence and on the other side. I feel much better about something that was really hurting my feelings. I am better with it all now. I am glad for the tears and the clarity. Sometimes it is good to have a mirror put up for you to see.

  I see the gut doctor in about 1 1/2 hours from now. I refuse meds and I will listen to what he says about changes in eating to heal me. Like I need more changes.  I am gonna end it here. I have dishes waiting for me before I go.
Hope you all have a good week. Stay warm! Make some soup!

The Change

*244*<----For reals!

  It is going to be a hot one tomorrow so I want to get much done today before then. It is just after 8am. I have watered outside plants, planted cucumbers, picked a couple strawberries, made coffee and consumed one cup so far. I have so many things to do but I think I will concentrate on cleaning the kitchen, getting Portuguese soup going in crock pot, bake the chocolate bundt cake I promised for FD, clean the downstairs bathroom (yuck), and work on sorting through all the shit here in the dining room. I would love to own a pretty round dining set with four chairs. I am tired of how crowded it still is in here. Everything in time.

  I have some changes going on in my life. My oldest has flown the coop and it is looking like when she comes back, it will be temporary. The youngest is working, making that green. Eventually we might have a empty nest.

  I am going through some changes too. I am in the thick of perimenopause. I didn't get my period. 12 days late so far. I was wickedly bitchy but that went away. So I am thinking it aint coming this time around. It is weird. I thought I would be happy like I joked for years but part of me doesn't like that it didn't come. I really have to make a appointment with a new gyno. I just keep putting it off.

  The other thing that has changed is my energy levels and cognitive, which I have talked about before here. Why I mention that is because I think I want to try to go back to work. Full time work. Making a living wage. Partly because we need the money. Partly because I feel I can do it and at least want to try. I am afraid nobody will hire me. I am 45 and have not worked in 12 years. I have a large gap that would be in my resume. How do I explain that? You tell them you were on disability and your resume would go in the shredder. I cannot work corporate retail at all. My right hip is a issue where I have to be able to sit down periodically so that I am not in immense pain. Baby steps, though. I have to get some therapy first to prepare myself for this. Then the next step is to talk to Social Security about it cause they have a back to work program. After that, I dont know. It has been 12 years. Almost 20 years since I interviewed. I would know where to look.




  I feel like that I could really do this. I just have to dip my toe in. This could be a second chance at earning a living. That would be very exciting.
As for my diabeetus, it is what it is. Some days are good. Some days arent. I am doing well with the low carb eating.  I havent gone extreme yet cause I have to wait for money to buy all my supplies at the end of the month. I have lost weight so that accounts for something!